Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
