Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
