how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
