She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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