I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
