dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
