i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
