Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
