we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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