TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
