this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
