Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Terrible idea I love it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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