Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
