So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
