i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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