If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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