??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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