I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hippo gnu deer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
