Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize