Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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