haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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