i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
