We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
