Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
