sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
