He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
