your room smells of hookers.
And success
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
