I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
