yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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