??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
