I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
