i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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