I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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