At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
