Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
