ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
