in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
