Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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