She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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