you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
