hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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