Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
