we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
