Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
