I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
