So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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