Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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