she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
