then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drake has all the answers
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
