i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
