Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
