My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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