I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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