you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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