Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
