i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i've created a new STD.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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