The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
