He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
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You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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