I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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