her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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