so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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