Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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