just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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