Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize