she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
