Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
