He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
