I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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