Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So much rum. So many feels.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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