Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
