did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
